Marathon.

I am starting to feel cranky.


Signed up for a Marathon ~ 3 Months. Really regretting it now that i haven't even passed the 12 km training runs I am suppose to do.
But I feel its a test of my determination to stay in society. To live on and perhaps finally figure Who I am and What I want in life. Probably after the 21 km mark, I will be hallucinating...
The faces that come up will be probably my sec sch mates, who made significant impact on my life. To jog, to push on, because of everyone that believes in me and finally reaching an end/success.
It has been meaningless after sec sch. Army made me happy again, to feel being alive and with friends. I struggle to find purpose and motivation. I hope I find it while running.



Ok, here goes. I am invited to go overseas with my friends.
I am still pretty innocent after all the er, but er, I don't feel the want for something
 extra while overseas.
Companionship? Maybe, but i am satisfied alone.
My heart is still somewhere. The other head can't force me to do something else.



1206.
Welp had to pay for what I 'lost'
Roughly about 2k for OVM and Floatation jackets.
Army = Dumping responsiblity on NSFs.



Reading her blog made me realize how similar her parents are to us.
I might be wrong.
But I cant communicate well. And she is 'weird'
Ok, i don't know how to describe it but yeah.
As such, perhaps growing older has hasten the process to giving up,
when i am able to understand her thought process.