I still feel slightly guilty.

I do not know why I am still pestering her after so long.
I know her yet do not understand her.
I do not see her as who she is but who she was.
I accept the fact that she fears to meet me.

Yet i thought she's matured enough to know that what i want to pursue is friendship not an intimate relationship. Its real hard to distinguish between those two with guys and gals involved, but its kinda like how i will describe my relationship with cy.
BFF might be a better term for it but its too unManly.
Care and concern at a certain level.
I do not know if i am considered matured enough as I am still in poly.

Perhaps what left is that Want to hang out with her.
Catching up face to face is better i suppose than msging or emailing.
I think I am the one that feels it still havent ended, that it was put on hold all this time.
I want that answer. A firm reply.
After so much pestering, I am really hoping for her to give me that.
Perhaps its not how gals work out stuff like this out.
Choosing to give me no reasons and cut me out.











**************************************************************************
Hm, I m pretty honest with myself.
I have never thought of her in a sexy way, more of a I-really-want-to-be-her-friend feeling all along.
Yes, she's the best in my eyes, even till now with the better dressed
ladies around.
If I really want to, i've never used her as material for self-comforting.
Fantasies are shelved aside as reality is readily presented in front of me.
With pretty gals everywhere in Orchard, a place i frequent for Kinokuniya, I really wonder why i still like her even after the initial infatuation, however she called it.

There's no specific point i like about her because i liked who she is as a person.