i wish to say out all my grievances.
here goes...

i said my piece but i was rejected.
i tried my best to ask for what i want,
i repeated the request,
i only got a NO

will anyone accept that??
will anyone be satisfied??
will anyone give up, just because of that??
will i just give up??

did i??
or was a chance given??
dont even remembered how many times i asked...
but the same answer came back.
asked for alternatives...
but all was for nothing.

did i ever wanted something in return??
just that little
will be enough.
but was i given that chance??

i estimated my chances of succeess...
i give a 50-50
now a 25-75
soon a 1-99

maybe it is that barrier.
maybe it never started in the first place.
maybe i was just dreaming.
maybe i just need a true friend.
JUST 1 TRUE FREN

my life...
i lived my life till now as a introvert.
i opened gaps for those that cared into my world.
but only on the surface.

how can i trust anyone.
i doubt all that are around me.
always in fear.
always afraid to be devoured.

maybe what i said above is unfair to those that showed the little effort.
but i cant really feel it...
i dont know what's care, love or any human relationship.

i lived a life of unhappiness, sadness, restrained.
really drowning in my own sadness and pessimism
i cant express, show and feel
because i do not even know what those are.

in my life,
i just followed my thoughts
doing everything from the beginning
all alone.
ALONE.
the help i got was just insults
scoldings and more scoldings.
when i was still in kindergarden.
i was taught by a "block"
by one who ****ing cant teach children.
only trumatising them.

i was that trumatised
what changed me was the SUPER TEEN programme/camp
it made me more willing to accept all that didnt go along with me
to be a little more confident.

its hard to be even what i am today.
without the SUPER TEEN...
i will only be Existing, not Living, like i m today.

therefore,
i really hope people do not treat me as a confident, know-all and NORMAL person.
i really have my side.
i am borned and brought up this way.
i cant changed what was bored into me since childhood.
a most unhappy one...

i am trying my best to suit everyone.
i just want people
To understand my side of the story.
To be able to support me and assist in anyway.